Some people have expressed that it is hard to read this with the colors changing in the background.  I cannot eliminate the color but I did find a solution to make it easier to read.  When you print this page, it prints with a white background.  Please adjust your preferences for the printer to print it in Landscape mode vs. Portrait so that it prints to the right margin.  I am sorry that it is hard to read...for so many reasons...but I am so grateful that so many people have responded.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart and God Bless all of you...There are many of you who have read and responded many with your own stories and concerns.  We are all not alone and good will come by continuing to communicate.

I went looking for a jail/prison to include in my Christmas Village which was started for me by my mom's death and the passing on of pieces.What village wouldn't be complete without magical lighted replicas of what has come to be our normal lives?So, in my search, I wondered if I couldn't find a jail/prison (not a huge market for these in the magical villages…) if perhaps a bank could be modified.No such piece was found…what was found was a St. Joseph Chapel, with a lovely welcoming door and soft alluring lights within and, of course, a steeple with a simple cross to state the mission.O.K.I get it…it's where we began and made our promises to God and to each other. A Chapel is friendlier than a prison in the lights of life, more pleasant to look at with meanings beyond the darkness and the hard, harsh realities of every day.A new piece is added and the beauty of the village is enhanced…another year…more reality but for a moment the lights and the love strengthen us all…onward beyond the lighted village to the world. Oh yeah…I added a lighthouse too…it just seemed right.

One of the books I am reading is Dr. Peter Breggin's newest book entitled "Wow, I'm an American!" in which Dr. Breggin (Harvard-trained psychiatrist and best-selling author and such a inspirational voice in our world) gives us a new approach to the lives of our Founders and the principles of freedom, responsibility, gratitude and love that they embraced. It is not a long or heavy book but still, I seem to be taking the longest time with it.I don't know a lot about America's history, this book is helping me.I feel like I'm savoring every word, committing it to memory and pondering.It's hard for me because I feel like the America I'm living in has been so harsh in punishing us for the responsible lives we were living the day of our tragedy.David and I were doing everything most would think is humanly responsible regarding our overall healthcare and for that responsibility, we are being punished greatly and severely.This is not the America I thought I lived in but is what we are experiencing.I asked Dylan (our son) who is a very bright teenager and he loves history, how he could know so much about history and retain it all.He looked at me with bewilderment and said that he could not imagine knowing so little about history. He does answer all my questions for which I am grateful. The future belongs to such as these if we can help them through the trauma and keep their hearts and minds focused on love and light in this life.

January 20, 2010, will mark the 4 year anniversary of a very horrific day for this family and many others.The things we couldn't understand on that day have become clearer in time.What we suspected was that doctor-prescribed-psych drugs were the cause of psychotic behavior resulting in the killings of our most precious Tessara and Samantha.What didn't make sense was the lack of people pursuing the truth of why David would do something so out of character.This lack of pursuit by our society continues to this day.Still, much has come to light regarding the reasons why so few here in America would make a stand and why people, like David, remain wrongly imprisoned.Our American Systems are designed to evaluate cause and not only the events.

A situation in Canada has been brought to our attention and we would like to share it will you.A man named David Carmichael had a similar tragedy in 2004. In a psychotic state due to Paxil, he killed his 11-year old son. He was arrested, stood trial and was found "Not criminally responsible" on account of a mental disorder diagnosed as "major depression" with "Psychotic episodes."He spent 5 years in the mental hospital and is now home with his wife and daughter rebuilding their lives.He received an absolute discharge from even the mental health care system in December of this year.His story and all the good he is currently involved in can be read at www.DavidCarmichael.com.He went to the mental home full of despair.His trial did not focus on the medication reactions he had experienced.The mental health professionals at the mental home were the agents that helped show David in his despair that his medication was responsible for the psychosis.With this information, David was able to heal and devise a treatment program that helped him resume his life even with the sadness of the side effects that hurt his family so very much. Paxil (versus Prozac for us) was the SSRI that dealt the deadly blow to David Carmichael's free will and responsible behavior.

The David Crespi situation took, from minute one, a very different path.Not much apparent action was taken by the State of North Carolina to provide care for David in a mental home even with the support of family and friends and lack of understanding of what had happened.Punishment, extreme punishment in the form of the death penalty, was sought from the beginning.The Criminal justice system did not ask for testimony from David's psychiatrist and he was allowed to leave town without a word to us.David, in a completely drugged state, accepted a plea, encouraged by his lawyers, and was sentenced to 2 life sentences running back to back.The Department of Correction web site notes that his second sentence begins 1/2/9999 that is after his first sentence ends in death.

So, this is where we are after 4 years of the saddest tragedy to rock our world.David is in prison and so many, so content that this didn't happen to them, have been able to go on with their lives.Prison is not the appropriate place for a man "not criminally responsible" and who was previously under the spell binding power of psych drugs.David is being punished every day of his life for doing what was considered responsible up until the moment the dangerous side effects took over.He was working as an auditor for Wachovia with a considerable amount of stress with all the issues surrounding Wachovia at the time of the tragedy. David went to the doctor due to a lack of being able to rest well.As is the current common practice, medication was prescribed without any note or monitoring of side effects.This medication led to more sleeplessness, then anxiety (a side effect of the sleeping medication) and then depression (another side effect of sleep aids and anxiety medication).One thing led to another, mental health care professionals were consulted and involved, and after 7 days of Prozac, psychosis took over.Free will was impaired and irrational, dangerous thinking resulted in the worst of horrors for all including and especially, David. What else could have we done to help ourselves?Some would add that David could have been honest with deep dark thoughts but the media has built that up and into something it never was.David was told in therapy that these thoughts were part of depression.Darkness and light intermingle without clear distinction.

So David is guilty of being a responsible person and seeking help and for that responsibility and while we are experiencing the greatest losses, the State of North Carolina, specifically Mecklenburg County, was allowed to ask for his death. More layers of tragedy and not one step closer to reconciliation or restoration. And we, as his society, allowed this to happen.I don't understand this but every day live with the consequences.When is the truth going to mean something right here in Mecklenburg?When are people going to wake up to the fact that this could have happened to them and do something about it?

Lately, I have been reading a lot about justice…criminal, biblical, social and restorative.All lead me to understand about how peace will not be restored without justice being pursued.The time has long come for the wrongs to be made right.Indifference abounds.Many good people do nothing to help.The world appears darker instead of lighter.We didn't pick this road but we are walking it.We are doing the best we can with the energy given.God is very real.I am convinced even more every day that judgment truly is up to God and we may be living in prison but God will reveal the light of truth in the proper time for all.I love the scripture found in Micah 6:8 of the Bible "You have been told, O Man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you:Only to do the right ("to do justice" and "to act justly" in other translations) and love goodness ("mercy" and "kindness"), and to walk humbly with your God."

So where are you as we reflect on 2009 and embrace 2010?Do you see as God sees? Or are you holding on to what you want to believe about a man that many of you know couldn't have possibly done the horrific act without some external catalyst?Is Society really this indifferent and unreasonable?What can we learn from Canada and David Carmichael and the reasonable outcome he and his family have experienced in spite of the horror of losing their son and the life they knew?

Every prison in North Carolina is different and David has been transferred to more than a few camps this year perhaps because he still speaks up for what is right.The transfers are done without warning and without knowing where you are going.Family members need to try to keep up once the move is made and then we look for a blessing…anything helps in trying to find the balance.He started the year at Lanesboro close security Prison in Polkton.He had been transferred there in the fall of 2008 when he was experiencing the mania from psych drug withdrawal. This transfer wasn't to help him as some would like to think.It was to create an imbalance for all of us just because the system has this power. Then in June of 2009, David was transferred to Windsor (Bertie Prison) about 5 hours from our home towards the Outer Banks.Bertie prison is very dangerous and it was not a good living situation but the path and a blessing usually get revealed.Bertie offered our first visit as a family of 5 (other facilities only allow up to 3 visitors plus the prisoner).They had vending machines where we could purchase junk food, coffee and sodas during the visit.This was the only 2 hours in these 4 years that this family has been together and able to share a meal.We are grateful for those 2 glorious hours and allowed them to carry us into the next visit at that facility which was for 1 hour for the 5 of us with David in protective segregation behind glass because a situation had caused a threat to David's safety.That was when the 4 of us took in the sights of the Outer Banks.Saw a few lighthouses and the wild horses at Corolla.Cape Hatteras is considered "America's Lighthouse."

Soon after that visit, David was transferred to Pasquotank (The Tank) Prison in Elizabeth City which was about 6 hours away.Since this prison only allowed up to 3 visitors, the boys and I spent a day travelling, visited early one morning and then drove back that day.It was a long 2 days but we maintain to keep this family together and in communion.The blessings of the "Tank" included the granting of medium custody status and an opportunity to participate in Catholic services each week.Catholic services are not provided at most of the other camps David has been housed at.In October, David was then moved to a medium security facility in Polkton about an hour from our house.At this facility, Brown Creek Prison, David is housed in a bunk house with 27 other guys. The security isn't as tight as close security single cell units but he likes the opportunity to get outside a bit more.Medium security is better in some ways and more dangerous in others.

Mentally, David is doing fine now that the medication has flushed out of his system. He is able to supplement his diet with only fish oil tablets.He never needed psych medication. David does not have Bipolar Disorder as we were led, by the defense process, to suspect.When I challenged the diagnosis, it became evident that those conclusions are made with very little objective evaluation. There is no medical test to prove disease.The medication propelled the psychosis…not an underlying, undiagnosed, condition prior to the tragedy.We now know that the medication, for us, produced the biggest problems we experienced in every episode of work anxiety experienced from 1994 on to the tragedy of 2006.What started out each time as an inability to sleep well due to mental unrest, resulted in the most prevalent current treatment by medical doctors and mental healthcare professionals of prescribing and encouraging medication.Please know that these medications can be very dangerous. They should be a highly monitored last resort and not the first response.Just think about who is making money every time a prescription gets written and people begin the long process of adjusting to and being maintained on these psych drugs.Is this the best way to deal with maintaining your overall health defined as being sound in body, mind and spirit?We no longer buy into that "quick fix" of medication prescribed by many.

The kids are actually doing better than can be expected.Jessica is 21 and is in her last year in College majoring in Educational Studies…loves it and is looking forward to graduating and working. She has a serious boyfriend that brings her joy.Dylan at 17 is finishing up his high school requirements as a home schooled student.He is enjoying the freedom and healing from trauma issues that home schooling offers but is looking forward to college in the fall. 13 year old Joshua is recovering from having his tonsils/adenoids removed this year right before Halloween.He wasn't able to breathe well and the removal of those huge adenoids has helped.He is really enjoying his 8^th grade year in Middle School and seems to have adjusted with great depth to our new life.

Jessica and I have been working on our overall health with a naturopathic physician.Some tests were done and it was determined that she and I are gluten intolerant.Taking Wheat, Rye and Barley out of our diets has been a huge adjustment but with very helpful results.Jessica, especially, feels so much better.This is a huge consideration where the conventional doctors choose to recommend the pysch drugs with all the side effects before considering a dietary change.Again, following the money…who benefits when we change our diet…only us…the consumer…food for thought.

We know that God has a plan for our lives and are all abundantly aware that we are experiencing some of the harsh realities of life on earth.Heaven is very real and our heavenly lights, Samantha and Tessara, are never far away.We acquired a new puppy this year and just received the DNA results that show Bailey as a Siberian Husky mixed breed.She has white fur and brown eyes.She came to us via a drop off at Belmont Abbey.She is much loved by all but especially Hunter the Beagle and Dude the long haired cat.

The kids and I visited California during the summer managing to visit all the grandparents and spending a few days in Disneyland.I drove a rented Ford Flex about 1500 miles from Northern to Southern and then back up to Northern California.We do love California with all its sights and attractions.Our roots run deep there and we took some magical moments back to North Carolina.

One of my missions is to help abolish the death penalty. Some of my favorite organizations are:

PFADP - People of Faith Against the Death Penalty - love their mission and work in North Carolina.

MVFHR - Murder Victims Families for Human Rights - worked on a report with them to present stories including ours of when mental illness crosses with the death penalty.This report was published in 2009 and is called "Double Tragedies."

MVFR - Murder Victims Families for Reconciliation - participated in a healing retreat weekend with other victims. It was amazing to be with others who have chosen not to ask for death even with the pain.

CrespiFamilyHope.com (not an official organization but has evolved into a cause) will be working on continuing to bring truth to light regarding the side effects of psych drugs and who truly should step forward and be responsible.And, we will continue to work for a better situation for all those who are wrongly imprisoned without truth and adequate care for the tragedies and trauma suffered.I was able to again this year attend the annual conference held in New York of Dr. Breggin's organization, the International Center for the Study of Psychiatry and Psychology (ICSPP).What a great, refreshing time of interaction with honorable people who understand the self serving interests of the drug companies, FDA and the Media and the resulting impact on unsuspecting doctors (they aren't all unsuspecting) and patients.

I encourage you to read Dr. Breggin's 2008 publication "Medication Madness" as it conveys the truth of what we have experienced.Thank you for your prayers but action is needed as well.I will try to post helpful information and possible actions on the web site.I am attending a one day social media conference in January and hope to be up on Facebook and Linkedin soon.I will post links on www.CrespiFamilyHope.com.

So that is where we are as we begin 2010.We see God in the most amazing places.I feel God in the honor of praying and corresponding specifically with several prisoners.The world has changed for me.Earth is harder and harsher than I ever knew before but heaven is real as well.I have not needed to work outside of the home or beyond the cause, yet. I trust that God will continue to reveal the path each day that takes us from fear to love.With great hope and solidarity for the imprisoned,

Praying for strength for all of us for the journey ahead in 2010…

Kim and David Crespi, Jessica, Dylan, Joshua and remembering always…Tessara and Samantha

www.CrespiFamilyHope.com P.O. Box 77844, Charlotte, NC28271

David Crespi #0938007, Brown Creek Prison, P.O. Box 310, Polkton, NC   28135

It seems like it has been years since I touched the web site but alas…not even a year.It feels like more as new information has been available that gave me new insight and confirmed what I have felt all along.I thank God every day for the Grace given immediately to understand that David's true nature and free will were severely impaired on 1/20/06 but details as to how and why have been left unchecked and, sadly, unsupported by a majority of professionals.

I had been waiting for the Institution of Mental Healthcare to show up and save the day.How naive of me I now realize.The Institution of Mental Healthcare helped to create this problem by not advising us about the dangers of psychiatric medication and then said nothing in our defense to the Institution of Criminal Justice which took over to criminally prosecute to the fullest.The North Carolina Department of Correction tried to help by providing adequate medication but dropped the ball back into their role as punishers when we wanted to come off the deadly impairing medication.

Some of the true heroes are mental healthcare professionals who accept the truth about these psychiatric medications and are trying to deal with the monster that has been created and how to help people find their lives again after the war of inappropriate medication has broke out around them and within them.

Dr. Peter Breggin, M.D. has my vote for "Educator of the Year" with his newly published book Medication Madness. This masterpiece was published in July of 2008 by St. Martin's Press and is available on Amazon for under $20.If you find yourself even remotely considering antidepressants for yourself or any one you love, you owe yourself the favor of knowing the nightmares that come simply by trying to help yourself with these over-prescribed, under-monitored drugs and doing what the "professionals" are telling you to do to help and, in their opinion, not hurt.

Dr. Breggin's book presents the questions with some answers I have had all along.The most pressing question for me was why David, in a medicated state, would not give the medication the blame for the tragedy.It was clear to me that he was able to do this violent, tragic act after only 7 days of Prozac along with other medications as well.Why did David keep going back to try to reconcile something from his past, in his current situation or fear of his future as the reason for the tragedy? Why could he not just admit that the drug had altered his free will and propelled him to violent action when it seemed so clear to me? I do believe that mental healthcare treatment focuses a patient on those questions without overlaying the effects of the medication on the patient's physical responses.David again was trying desperately to be responsible. This was exasperating to me visiting him each week and trying to reconcile what I knew to what he was constantly trying to work out.Dr. Breggin's term "Spellbound" clarified this for me.

On the medication, David was "Spellbound."Dr. Breggin defines this on Page 27 of his book,"The brain-disabling principle states that all the physical treatments in psychiatry—medication, electroshock, and lobotomy—have their primary or 'therapeutic' effect by causing malfunctions in the brain and the mind that are then misidentified as 'improvements.' Spellbinding more specifically builds on a brain-disabling corollary, which states that patients receiving medications and other mind-altering treatments 'often display poor judgment about the positive and negative effect of the treatment on their functioning.'"

Then, knowing that on the medication, David was saying the truth as best he could conceive, it helped us to clarify our thinking and consider coming off the last of the psych drugs he was taking.He had come off the antipsychotic drug first…experienced terrible nightmares. Then he had come off the antidepressant…cried for days.With each withdrawal, a part of David's true nature returned.Now on the mood stabilizer (Lithium) alone, he was balanced but still spellbound thinking the medication was helping him but still not able to work out why he had killed.Then there were the physical aspects of being on the highly toxic drug Lithium.David's thyroid and kidneys were becoming impaired.We made the choice to try to wean off the Lithium.He was below the therapeutic level when he stopped them at the end of July, 2008.

Coming off any of the psych drugs poses a risk of mania and depression.A strong support system of family, friends and healthcare professionals is needed to try to make this change successfully.The prison environment offers certain safeguards for this time if the system is understanding and aware.Unfortunately, David's facility didn't take this as seriously as we know it to be and transferred him to a new close security prison.I feel like we are trying to manage through this time without the support of caring professionals, and the lack of understanding by many is dangerous.What we do have is an environment where David is being watched but not nurtured or in any way comforted.It is most difficult and as we have felt all along, very lonely. A helpful book for those of you considering coming off the medication is Your Drug may be your problem…How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medication by Peter R. Breggin, M.D. and David Cohen, Ph.D. This book is available on Amazon.com. I would recommend reading through this book prior to considering any change in what appears to be currently working for you or your loved one.

Medication Madness addresses the defense strategies that play into medication horror.We must ask a question about the level of responsibility we can attribute to someone who, through a legal medication, has lost their mind.How and why do we hold these people criminally responsible when they were doing everything considered responsible to help themselves and others prior to the tragic outcomes? Dr. Peter Breggin's experience as a forensic psychiatrist in the criminal justice system over the past 30 years testifying in cases just like ours has enlightened me and many others to what should have been talked about for our case but was not at the time David accepted the plea.Medication does produce unnatural behaviors in some people.The medication, in fact, can even create the appearance of severe mental disorders like bipolar.The diagnosis that could have been given is "substance induced mood disorder" and the defense that could have been pursued is "involuntary intoxication."

Page 96 of Medication Madness states, "It is very prejudicial to the patient to be labeled with bipolar disorder rather than with a substance-induced mood disorder.A diagnosis of bipolar disorder stigmatizes the victim for life as suffering from a serious and potentially recurrent "mental illness" or "psychiatric disorder."Without any scientific basis, the diagnosis is used to push lifetime medication, and in criminal cases, it becomes a justification for lengthy incarcerations in institutions for the criminally insane" or as in David's case, an expected life time being punished in prison.

David, in a highly medicated and spellbound state, gave his life away in a plea of first-degree premeditated murder accepted due to the threat of a death penalty trial thinking he was doing what was fair for all.This plea and the sentencing placed him in the North Carolina prison system as one of the worst criminals in North Carolina without any acknowledgement of the medication or the mental health state at the time of the tragedy.

Consideration of David's mental health situation could have landed him in a mental home only if insanity, narrowly defined for legal purposes in North Carolina, could be proven.Other states have provisions for "guilty, but not criminally responsible" and other titles that put these people in other places than prison.The fear and anger of the Mecklenburg County Community seemed content to take the easy way out of the injustice wrought to this family.I am not fine with this injustice for any of us and you should not be either.To deny that this could not happen to others is short sighted and ignorant.Please have the courage to read the books for yourself and for your loved ones.Ask yourself these questions and think about what is the safest, most healing place for people who tried to help themselves and others and the very worst nightmare happened to them.We compounded the nightmare with our current systems that avoided the truth in an effort to sweep unfortunate situations under the rug of fear and hatred.Consider the light of a new day of awareness and positive action for all.

Many seem to fear that I carelessly want David home.I want David to be cared for as I have all along this mental health care journey.Prison is an inappropriate place for people who have not acted with criminal intent.Prison is not about healing…it is about punishing and removing rights for the prisoner and their family and their community.

A mental hospital is the more appropriate place for people who have suffered mental health related tragedies.Unfortunately, our mental hospitals have been sadly denied attention for funding and overall care that helps.However, why make these people criminals when they began as patients trying to help themselves and others.An inadequate system should not deny the path that appropriately places individuals into care.I feel like the Crespi family should be advocates for better mental health care versus living with the layers and layers of tragedy that labeled David a felon.

The healthcare community must step up to the truth of these situations and help to repair what has been lost.Drug Companies and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have approved drugs on the notion that they help more than they hurt.Unfortunately, no help or truth of the situation is offered when the drugs hurt.It's just the down side of the help. Well, for this family and others suffering with the down side, truth could have helped and David would not be punished as one of the worst criminals in North Carolina.

I do have a thought on David coming home…a comparison to what is happening in this country with service people returning from the war.Time magazine ran an article on June 16, 2008 that "The Military's Secret Weapon" is Prozac.The cover of the magazine states, "For the first time in history, thousands of U.S. troops are being given antidepressant drugs to deal with battlefield stress.Is this any way to fight a war?" Much press has surfaced regarding the drugging of service men and women and returning them to the ranks.We ask these people to defend us every day and do whatever it takes to help us.We ask them to do this in their right minds with full awareness of the harshness of their actions.Then we bring them home and without any means of detoxing them from the horrors of war, we bring them back into our homes.Who would deny these brave men and women their right to return to their loving families and communities?David, in an uncontrolled, out-of-mind legal intoxication, killed those he held most dear.Very different outcome we as a society demanded of him and this family.

I think we have critical events happening at this time in America.Shouldn't we consider a better treatment program for the free and the brave and then note that the war has been fought right here and many lives have been lost and forgotten?Perhaps we citizens could advocate for treatment programs that give these people a community of healthcare professionals concerned with helping them cope and acclimate back into society with tools for panic, post traumatic stress syndrome and other stressful conditions that result when lives have been impaired.Drugs are a deadly Band-Aid for the psychological issues that arise when lives have been taken with our healthy minds or with our impaired minds as well.

What can we do?

Pray and learn and take action.Start with your own family.Love and support them and try to understand the underlying issues that are producing problems on the surface.David now realizes the stress his professional career was putting on his mind.With the medication, he fell victim to an impairment to his free will and was able to do the worst.

Perhaps employers could offer better treatment programs that focus on stress management rather than drug pushing.

We need a place for healing.We need a team of people who care about the overall well being of the individual versus just trying to cover up the surface symptoms.

Dr. Breggin gives a response to this on Pages 328 through 333 of Medication Madness. He notes that principled living is an alternative to therapy which often results in the direction of drugs."Even the minister, priest, or rabbi is likely to refer them to someone who gives drugs.Increasingly, there is nowhere to turn for help that does not twist its way in the direction of drugs… although the point has been wholly missed by psychiatry, a satisfying and potentially happy life requires sound principles of living, including the courage and determination to maintain ethical, loving relationships with the people around us…Every rehabilitation—and we all need regular rehabilitation—requires renewed dedication to principled living and higher ideas."

Medication Madness includes a list of 17 points for principled living which end with the point of "Choosing your last resort wisely.When you feel most desperate and alone, where will you go—toward psychiatry with its biological explanation and mind-altering drugs or toward improved principles of living, a more responsible and loving life, the fulfillment of your ideas, and oneness with a Meaning or Power beyond yourself? Your chosen last resort defines you as a person and gives direction to your life."

We did not even know that the first response to our problem of stress and anxiety would result in the biggest nightmare of our lives.You have reasons to think differently now that you have been enlightened.I wish our path could have been enlightened as well.We cannot bring Samantha and Tessara back to this life as we had them. We can, however, help make the world better for others.

In our case, our first interaction with antidepressants came upon a priest's recommendation to get to the general practitioner to help with David's inability to relax and sleep.That was back in 1994 and the nightmares started from there.Looking back, we can overlay a negative reaction to the drugs in every episode where life went beyond our ability to cope.We could not see this until this time in our lives and after the very worst has happened..Please don't miss it for yourself or your loves ones.